Sunday, May 5, 2013

It's been a while.

So many things have been going on with me in the last few poor blog has suffered horribly. At first I didn't even know if I wanted to share all that I have been going through and I'm still not. However, that hardly gives me a good excuse not to blog at least once and a while. I've been wanting to put my feelings down for a while now but just haven't had the words. In church today we sang all 7 verses of How Firm a Foundation. Verse four really struck a cord with me.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow,
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee, and sanctify to thee,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

I am having some health issues. A tumor to be exact. They found it when I had my colonoscopy. It's in my rectum. I will be having surgery in a little over two weeks. I am feeling that all will be well. Yet it is still stressful. I have always been healthy so to have something somewhat major wrong with me is very new to me. The doctor says he would be surprised if the tumor was cancer. It's soft and he seems to think once I have surgery I should be just fine...I am grateful for that's what I am holding onto as I prepare for this "event". It gives me hope...and I need that right now. You see the biggest issue is I don't do hospitals for me, I only go visit other people in the hospital. I didn't even give birth to my own children for heaven sakes. So it's kind of the whole fear of the unknown that is getting to me right now.

 But then I think of all the great examples I have. The first one that comes to mind is Jeremy when he had his surgery back in 2004. The poor boy was in major pain for a long time before we got approval for the surgery for his pectus carinatum. Never once did he complain. He was a trooper. I look back at photos of him before the surgery and realize that those "thoughtful" looks I thought I was capturing on film were actually looks of pain...he was so brave....can I be any less? You always think that your children will learn from you, but in this case, I am certainly learning from him.

 When I first learned that I was going to have surgery, a very dear friend said something to me that I have been carrying with me ever since. When I think of Christ and his atonement I always think of being forgiven for the wrongs that I do. There is so much more to the atonement than that. Christ will take on our problems when we cannot handle them. I know this to be true as He has certainly made my burden much lighter by knowing that He is by my side walking this path with me and helping me to cope when I absolutely think I cannot. I am so grateful for this knowledge. I have also felt the power of prayer in my life. I have many who are praying for me. I truly believe that it is another one of the reasons I feel peaceful about this whole thing....for as scared as I am, I am uplifted by the prayers of others and I so grateful for all of you who have been keeping me in your prayers. Thank you so much.

Through all of this I have continued to scrapbook. At first not so much but then little by little I found that it's the little things in life that can bring one joy. We have this beautiful new grandson and I have quite a few photos that have been crying out to me to scrap. So if you have managed to get this far along in this blog post I figure I ought to leave you with a layout or two. Thanks for letting me ramble. I will keep you all posted.